originally posted at Secrets of the Home...
There
are people who look at me in horror when I describe Mom as evolving, in
her final years, into an utter badass. "How can you think of your
dear, sweet mother that way!"
And I immediately know they've never read Brene Brown's description, or else they'd know that Katharine Reynolds Lockhart was a total badass.
How
can a term that sounds so raw describe a sweet little old lady in her
late 80s, early 90s, who was famed far & wide for her kindness,
generousity & caring? I leave it to Brene:
Badassery - when people stand fully in their
truth, or when someone falls down, gets back up and says, "Damn, That
really hurt, but this is important to me and I'm going in again' -
that's a badass. (from The Stiletto Dialogue)
Oh,
yeah - Mom was the total badass, from Day 1. Stuff happened along the
way that made her deny deny deny, but it was always in there, waiting
for her extreme later years to fully emerge.
My favorite description of a badass is found in the Urban Dictionary, submitted by runawaytrain...
Unspoken Rules of Being Badass
1. First rule of being a badass. A badass does not talk about being a badass. Period.
2. Second rule of being a badass, a badass does not try to be a badass or look tough. A badass simply is a badass.
3. A badass stays true to themselves, always. This means being themselves for themselves, and not being fake to impress others.
4. A badass does not give up. Badasses will always push themselves for the better, no matter how hard it gets.
5. A badass is not a jerk. A badass does not prey on the weak, and shows kindness in return to those who are kind.
6. A badass knows his/her limits. Don't be stupid, you're not Superman, you'll die if you jump off a building.
7. A badass does not make enemies or go looking for fights. They do not fights that aren't worth fighting either.
Mom was a total badass when Mim & I asked her to come down with us to an Apollo moon launch
& she insisted that she would only go if she could pay her own way,
if it didn't require a penny of Dad's money - which seemed whacked-out
to the rest of us, since she brought in zip income.
She was a total BA on her seven trips to Australia between the ages of 65 & 85.
Total
BA when she dressed in an evening gown to go out after midnight with
Mim et moi to a diner for pie & coffee. (In bed in her room, she
heard us making plans for the foodie foray, wanted to go without the
bother on pulling on a girdle & hitching up stockings).
Portrait of a BA as we trekked to & from DisneyWorld via coastal & mountain routes, when she was a lass of 87.
Countless
times of badassery, with her BA high point being when - at 88 - she
picked up the phone to call a psychologist to say, "I haven't a clue about who I am. I need your help finding out."
For many years, Mom joked that she wanted her tombstone to read, "She tried." No way - should read "Katharine Reynolds Lockhart - beloved wife, devoted mother, adored sister, treasured friend & total BADASS."
Of all the things I've learned over my almost 64 years, the one I treasure beyond all others is that my mother, Katharine Reynolds Lockhart, was a flawed & fabulous female.
For almost my entire adult life, I described my mother as my greatest nemesis & my greatest cheerleader. She broke my heart & plunged daggers in my back, but she also gave me the wit & ways to survive her.
Mom was a simple-hearted soul with a massively complex history that messed up her life & wrecked havoc with those around her. At the worst of times, she was on par with many parents who inadvertently strewn their family's path with emotional IEDs. At her frequent best, the good she did & nurtured soared into the heavens. In between was pretty amazing, too.
What unexpected joy to be taking the first step in writing a book about Mom. No one could be more surprised than her baby girl (aka ME). But as I read book after book about the wisdom to be found in growing older, over & over I was scribbling "Mom" in the margins. Over & over, I saw her in descriptions of healthy, whole aging. Over & over, until it hit me - of all the epic women I've known in my life, my mother was hands down the most astonishing of all.
Too many people think of people as all good or all bad, all helpful or all destructive, all this way or that. Writing her name in so many margins, I found myself remembering someone who was about as messed up as they come, while also being nurturing & empowering.
Her story isn't an easy tale to tell. And I make no bones about what I share being TRUTH - it's a subjective view of her life, as described to & experienced by me. The working title is a tip of the hat to anyone who might consider what I write more fairy tale then memoir - Imperfectly Perfect: an irksome offspring's fables of a flawed, fabulous female.
Am chortling, knowing that Mother would absolutely agreed with the "flawed" & protested the "fabulous." But ask anyone who knew her, who had the pleasure of her acquaintance, the honor of her friendship, the delight to be related - she was as fabulous as they come.
From her mid-teens, Mom had a challenging life, one marked with heartbreak, loss & betrayals. She would protest, reading that. "Oh, no," she would argue. "I had an easy life."
How many times did I hear those words, "Oh, no - I had an easy life." It was anything but, except she couldn't see it.
It was while the three of us - my sister, Mim, Mom & I - were at a women's retreat up in the Catskills that what Mom was trying to say finally hit me. She mentioned in a discussion circle that her life had been easy. A younger woman - my age - protested, "Mrs. Lockhart, you've described a hard life!"
Mom just couldn't get over how wrong the young friend was. It hit me, there in a mountain house not far from Woodstock, that Mom was using the wrong adjective. Her life was far from easy, but it was without question fortunate. Easy has to do with what happens to you; fortunate is how you respond to it.
There is no question that I was fortunate to have Katharine Reynolds Lockhart as my mother. It wasn't easy, that is for sure. But what a rich education it was, one that deepens my life more each year.
For many years, Mom joked that she wanted her tombstone to say, "She tried." And I always protested - "No, Mother. It should say, 'She did her best.' " For being the best Katharine Reynolds Lockhart she could, whatever fables may come are as dedicated to her as she was to those she loved.
Credits:
picturequotes.com
makeaccountingfun.com
tattoogen.com
hughesfuse.com
