Of all the things I've learned over my almost 64 years, the one I treasure beyond all others is that my mother, Katharine Reynolds Lockhart, was a flawed & fabulous female.
For almost my entire adult life, I described my mother as my greatest nemesis & my greatest cheerleader. She broke my heart & plunged daggers in my back, but she also gave me the wit & ways to survive her.
Mom was a simple-hearted soul with a massively complex history that messed up her life & wrecked havoc with those around her. At the worst of times, she was on par with many parents who inadvertently strewn their family's path with emotional IEDs. At her frequent best, the good she did & nurtured soared into the heavens. In between was pretty amazing, too.
What unexpected joy to be taking the first step in writing a book about Mom. No one could be more surprised than her baby girl (aka ME). But as I read book after book about the wisdom to be found in growing older, over & over I was scribbling "Mom" in the margins. Over & over, I saw her in descriptions of healthy, whole aging. Over & over, until it hit me - of all the epic women I've known in my life, my mother was hands down the most astonishing of all.
Too many people think of people as all good or all bad, all helpful or all destructive, all this way or that. Writing her name in so many margins, I found myself remembering someone who was about as messed up as they come, while also being nurturing & empowering.
Her story isn't an easy tale to tell. And I make no bones about what I share being TRUTH - it's a subjective view of her life, as described to & experienced by me. The working title is a tip of the hat to anyone who might consider what I write more fairy tale then memoir - Imperfectly Perfect: an irksome offspring's fables of a flawed, fabulous female.
Am chortling, knowing that Mother would absolutely agreed with the "flawed" & protested the "fabulous." But ask anyone who knew her, who had the pleasure of her acquaintance, the honor of her friendship, the delight to be related - she was as fabulous as they come.
From her mid-teens, Mom had a challenging life, one marked with heartbreak, loss & betrayals. She would protest, reading that. "Oh, no," she would argue. "I had an easy life."
How many times did I hear those words, "Oh, no - I had an easy life." It was anything but, except she couldn't see it.
It was while the three of us - my sister, Mim, Mom & I - were at a women's retreat up in the Catskills that what Mom was trying to say finally hit me. She mentioned in a discussion circle that her life had been easy. A younger woman - my age - protested, "Mrs. Lockhart, you've described a hard life!"
Mom just couldn't get over how wrong the young friend was. It hit me, there in a mountain house not far from Woodstock, that Mom was using the wrong adjective. Her life was far from easy, but it was without question fortunate. Easy has to do with what happens to you; fortunate is how you respond to it.
There is no question that I was fortunate to have Katharine Reynolds Lockhart as my mother. It wasn't easy, that is for sure. But what a rich education it was, one that deepens my life more each year.
For many years, Mom joked that she wanted her tombstone to say, "She tried." And I always protested - "No, Mother. It should say, 'She did her best.' " For being the best Katharine Reynolds Lockhart she could, whatever fables may come are as dedicated to her as she was to those she loved.
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